Who Am I As a Communicator

This week’s assignment was very informative for me.  First, I got to access my communication anxiety, listening skills and verbal aggression index. I found my assessments refreshing in the sense that my scores fell where I would expect them.  For example, my scores for listening style fell in the range that identified me as moderate. Moderate listening styles maintain a good balance between respect and consideration for the others viewpoint and the ability to argue fairly by attacking the facts of the position rather than the person holding the position (Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E., 2009).

Needless to say I was very happy to learn that my scores indicated that I am a thoughtful listener.   That said, I also learned this week how we perceive ourselves may not be how others perceive us.  To test my assessment of my listening style, I enlisted my sister to take the same test I took and to answer the questions from her perspective of my listening style and to my surprise her scores of me were almost identical!

As far as what supervised me, I guess that my perceptions of myself were very much in line with what my scores said about me. Also, that my sister’s perceptions were very much in line with mine.  I thought, considering, we have conflict at times, that she would see me as an ineffective listener. It’s always encouraging when someone you respect sees you the way that you see yourself.

I think the biggest take away from this week is the impact our assumptions or schemes can have on how we communicate.   I think my classmate said it best:

I believe that our value as a human is not dependent on the clothes we wear, the car we drive, the job that we do,          how much we make, the house that we live in, and so on.  These are all the extrinsic aspect – the obvious ones,             what is seen right away.  They are but fleeting, can be gone in the wink of an eye. We are all worthy of respect               regardless of our socio-economic status, educational attainment, ethnicity, etc.  We are so much more than what         the society makes us think or believe (Nacion, 2015).

 

Reference

Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

Nacion, R, 2015 Discussion Board: Examining Perception. Walden University

Communicating Cross-Culturally

In order to avoid quarrels and distress with the neighbor, a person of a different ethnic background, gender or age one must achieve competency in inter-cultural communication (Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V., 2011).

Furthermore, the more one knows about their own perceptions, identities and communication style the better inter-cultural communicator she or he should become (Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V., 2011). Each of us is a product of our cultural background, including gender, ethnicity, family, age, religion, profession and other life experiences (Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V., 2011).

Thus, it is critical that we reflect on the various aspects of our own cultural identity and examine their positive and negative impacts on our personal and professional development (Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V., 2011).

With this said, the three strategies I would implement to improve my cross-cultural communication would include the following:

• Be Supportive
• Check Meaning
• Avoid Slang

As far as being supportive, l learned that effective cross cultural communication is in essence about helping others feel comfortable. Giving encouragement to those with weak English gives them confidence, support and a trust in (Payne, 2014).  This strategy is especially important in my line of work where a least a 5% of my parents are not English speakers.

When communicating across cultures never assume the other party has understood (Payne, 2014).  Be an active listener and summarize what has been said in order to verify what was said (Payne, 2014). This is a very effective way to ensure accurate cross cultural communication as taken place (Payne, 2014).

Finally, I believe another important thing to do when communication across cultures is to avoid using slang.  Even the most well educated foreigner will not have a complete knowledge of slang, idioms and sayings. The danger is that the words will be understood but the meaning missed (Payne, 2014).

References

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating    to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Payne, Neil (2014, August 2014) Ten Tips for Cross Cultural Communication Retrieved fromhttp://www.kwintessential.co.uk/cutural-services/articles/ten-tips-cross-cultural-commuication.html

Nonverbal Communication

I chose to watch the Gilmore Girls.  I have heard a lot about this very popular show, but ironically enough I had never had the opportunity to watch it.  My general understanding of the show is that it chronicles the life of a single mom and her seemingly awkward but wise beyond her year’s tween daughter.

This particular episode I watched started with the mom walking leisurely down a main street, in what looks like a small down.  Her body language communicates she is carefree and excited for the day.  She steps into a café and her body language is much the same until she approaches a man at the counter and engages in a brief conversation with him. The man’s posture communicates that he is disinterested in whatever the mom is saying and can’t wait until she leave his presences.

The scene then moves to her leaving the counter with the man and sitting down at a nearby table where she begins to sip her coffee.  She is approached by a man, who from her body language, she doesn’t really know but is pleasant with. They talk for a minute, then her daughter walks through the door seemingly looking like everything’s ok. She sits down with her mother at which time the mom’s disposition changes.   By this time, the man who she was talking to has left, which from her facial expressions communicate that she is relived.

The mom seems a little upset or annoyed by something.  She then walks to the counter again and engages the man in more conversation and the man looks even more annoyed.  She returns to her table, only to find out that the man she was talking to earlier is now talking to her daughter.  Base on her body language, the mom looks like she is trying to protect her daughter from this man who may be a predator.  The man walks away after it becomes obvious that the mom is not comfortable with him talking to her.

When I observed this opening scene with the volume on I realized that many of my assumptions were incorrect.   I was reminded that what someone says even through their body) and what we hear can be amazingly different (Walters, J., & Fenson, S., 2000).First, I assumed that the man at the counter based on his facial expressions, was annoyed by mom and wanted nothing to do with the women.  But in fact, he was expressing concern, because the mom had apparently had five cups of coffee and was asking for a sixth!

However, my assumptions where correct when observing the man who approached the mom while she was sitting drinking her coffee. The mom did not know the man and did engage the man is conversation, but was noticeably annoyed by him, because he seemed to be invading her space.  When the mom’s daughter arrived, I assumed based on her body language that the mom was upset by something, but in fact she wasn’t.  The mom was frantically looking for something to help the daughter who had complained that her lips where chap and that she needed coffee.  I did however; assume correctly that when the mom observed the man with whom she had just spoke with talking to her daughter, that she felt the need to protect her daughter. The man seemly had mistaken her to be older then she was and was trying to hit on the girl.  That’s when the mom intervened and told he man that he was talking to her 16 year old daughter, at which time he promptly left the space.

References

Walters, J., & Fenson, S. (2000). A crash course in communication. Retrieved from http://www.inc.com/articles/2000/08/20000.html

My Competent Communicator

For your blog this week, think of someone (e.g., family member, celebrity, politician, friend, or professor) who demonstrates competent communication within a particular context. What behaviors does this person exhibit that make him or her effective? Would you want to model some of your own communication behaviors after this person? Why or why not?

When thinking about someone who demonstrates competent communication I have to say my professor in my junior year of college, Dr. Jerry Herbert. I had the pleasure of sitting under Dr. Herbert’s teaching for a whole semester during my time as a study aboard student in Washington DC. I remember him possessing many of the principles outlined in the national communication association credo. The most dominate principle he displayed was that of promoting a communication climate of caring and mutual understanding that respected the unique needs and each of individual communicators (O’Hair, D.,Wiemann, M., et. al., 2015).

For example, I remember my time in the American Studies Program being very difficult, even traumatic at times.  I was being bullied and ostracized due to my faith as a Christian.  Dr. Herbert went to great length to work to make the environment less threatening to me by working diligently to promote a climate of caring and mutual understanding of all the parties involved.  In doing so he also displayed the communication principle of condemn communication that degrades individuals and humanity though distortion, intimidation, coercion and violence, and though the expression of intolerance and hatred (O’Hair, D.,Wiemann, M., et. al., 2015).

It is because of Dr. Herbert effective ethical communication during what was one of the most difficult semesters of my college career that today we share a friendship that span 10 years and counting! Jerry, for modeling for me what effective ethical communication looks like! Today, because of Jerry’s example, I able to do the same for those children in my care who experience bullying and being ostracized because of their difference. I want to model my communication after Dr. Herbert’s because I remember how important it was as, well as healing, to know someone saw my pain and responded in kind.  I want to provide the same support and protection to the children and families in my care.

References

O’Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J.  (2015). Real communication (3rd. ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s